Day Dreaming

Today my mind was completely filled with dreams of November. Only 24 days left and well I can’t wait. The last day of this adventure will be a day of feeling very accomplished and proud of myself. But the next day I will feel even better. Knowing I can eat whatever I feel like changes everything about my day, it can take me from feeling like I can do anything the whole way down to feeling as if I have nothing left. Without food, we’d die; we’d die even sooner without water. Which is why I am drinking water all the time, I might give up my food but I will never give up water.

Tonight we made a huge stir fry for my weekend since we are going to the lake and I don’t really want to have to take the time to cook for myself when everybody else is enjoying the Thanksgiving meals. I will be able to eat at the same time so that I won’t feel as horrible about not having pumpkin pie and stuffing. That doesn’t mean I don’t think it won’t be a hard weekend for me. Watching everyone else eat amazing food and not being able to, this will probably bring another hard day. However, the hard days are the ones I actually look forward to the most. Even though they drain me of everything I have, I come out of them with a sense of accomplishment again. Knowing that nothing can stop me because I have what it takes to make a difference and start a change. Nevertheless none of that would be possible without God.

The whole point of this project is to be bringing me closer to God, to strengthen my relationship with him. I didn’t choose a hard task because I didn’t have a good relationship with him, but I am doing this because I wanted something that would help me realize what the people I lived around went through. God took me and my family to Malaysia for a reason and I will never forget that country and the other countries we visited. For me living there wasn’t enough, I want to actually know what it was like to be part of the poorer class. Since I was always just driving by in the taxi or on the bus and I didn’t have to go to bed hungry because the cafeteria and my mum feed us amazingly. Now that I think about those times I realize I could have made such a difference there. Instead of riding the bus to get to the mall to spend all my money on myself, I could have got off and played with the kids and put my money to better use to help them. However, I wasn’t thinking about them at that time. I was there solely for me.

This project isn’t for me at all or how my class requires it. It’s for them, for all the people I walked past and didn’t even give a simple smile too. This is for them, even though they will never know what I am giving up and how they have inspired this project. It’s all for them. So that they may get a spark of hope in their heart of a better life to come. It’s for the people who don’t have anything and know of people who have so much but aren’t willing to share. This is for the people who will always share their love, even when they haven’t been loved themselves. It’s for everyone who has seen me and the amount of stuff I think I need. This project isn’t mine anymore, its everybody else’s. I am just the one who is caring the load this time, taking it away from those who have had to carry it every other day of the year. This is for them.